I feel the need to give an update from my last post. I'm still learning and figuring things out, and a pet peeve of mine is when people share things, you pray for them, and then you never hear an update.
Thursday nite Daniel was working and i was processing :) I put on some good p&w to listen to before going to bed. I love listening to some good worship before going to sleep.
the first song that came on was JJ Heller's (one of my FAVES!!) Only Love Remains.
Tears. I just cried. I hope that this is where i'm at right now. it's what it feels like. I feel like i'm being torn apart and being broken into pieces. I'm asking that it's Father who is doing it. I hope He is allowing the fire to burn away everything that is not of worth. because then i know the only pieces that are left are from and for Him.
I know that being stripped of everything familiar and comfortable brings me to a place of peace and contentment in my walk. It brings humility. it brings desparation.....
I was reading one of my fave devotional books, that i've been reading daily for about 3 1/2 years. it's called '31 Days of Praise.' It's def a constant part of my morning.
Anyways, there are daily reads and topic reads. Friday morning I read about the importance of praise. and it said that sin masquerades as our master, poses as an essential part of us, pretending to be our true nature, and concerned about what is best for us.
I hate the enemy. he destroys, he lies, and we believe him. One of the worst feelings is when you suddenly realize the thoughts you've been having have been lies straight from the enemy. but they seemed so safe. or so 'right.' It seems only 'natural' to want was is best for you....
About a month ago there was an area i was really insecure about. but i thought it was normal and every woman dealt with it....which in my mind made it ok. i was reading a blog and several women were chiming in on the subject, and the point of the blog was to get away from this insecurity and be free.
seriously, a huge lightbulb went on for me. you mean i don't have to deal with this?? i can stop buying into these lies that are thrown at me daily??? simple, but hard.
my point being, that i need to be aware of how the enemy will sneak in. am i believing that i have a sense of entitlement about things around me...or a situation that i feel i deserve....?
I hope that i'm being torn into pieces and used. I long to be used, even if I don't see it or know it. I ask that Father is using me somehow in the lives of those around me. I know i won't know till later, but i want to be open and willing to being completely broken and torn apart if it means Father is receiving glory and others lives will be changed.